Finally, something I can really wrap my head around. It's been a little over 3 years since I had what I would refer to as an emotional hiccup. Never in my life did I have uncontrollable thoughts. I was in a very dark place after a breakdown. Life would never be the same.
As we, let's say "celebrate" or "recognize" this day, it has a very significant meaning to me. Life was good. Business was good. Family was healthy. But the pressure I felt was something I've never experienced before. I was always in control. I was mostly happy. Then I was not.
To sum it up, I was so confused about how I was feeling. And I reached out for help. But there was none, so I thought. If not for the random text I got at 10pm from my best friend when I was at Rotary Park ready to just drive and leave it all behind, things may have turned out differently. And from that day forward, I opened my eyes and heart to all the feels. I got therapy from a counselor who put a lot of things into focus. I know Lori was confused at the time because she had not seen me vulnerable like this before. A nervous breakdown is not something you shout out on the highest hill. It's usually behind the scenes, in privacy. But this rock bottomness I was experiencing needed to be addressed.
Today, 3 years later, I feel thankful. I needed to get out of the environment I was in. Constant bickering with an aging mother made me feel even less of a man. Heck, now we talk weekly and I look forward to it. Her saying "I love you Per" means so much now. Because I can hear the authenticity in her voice even 850 miles away. I've let go of some baggage that I carried around for years. Shit like daddy issues, brother issues, mother issues, legacy issues, caring about what people thought about me all came to an event of literally being on the floor in tears. That was then. This is now.
Thank you, Lori for understanding and taking such incredible care of me everyday. We are actually going to dine out tonight, which would normally have me feeling anxious. But we deserve it after the journey we've been through. Thank you friends who supported me, called up just at the right time just to say "hey". And of course my children Lauren & Dakota. I know this was not easy for you guys either. Dad was always calm & cool. But you loved me regardless.
So here's to World Mental Health Day. Please take time out to appreciate the blessings, let go of the baggage and hope for a better, stronger tomorrow.
So much love.
Per.
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