Who's got your back?

This past year, we've been inundated with family matters. It had us traveling back home to Springfield 3 times to either help with parent health issues, or to help those left assemble new habits going forward without their life partner. The last visit was Thanksgiving, which was very nice to see and visit family. But in the days that followed, it had us wondering who would have our backs in the event of something happening to either one of us. I know we have each other's back because that's just part of our DNA. But what about if there's just one of us left? Who would pick up the pieces, drop everything and just do what needs to be done?

I recently found out that an old friend was diagnosed with cancer. It was serious and he needed to begin treatments immediately. He was divorced, so you would think family would step up. Well.........they didn't. The kids had their own lives, some having children of their own. This is a head-scratcher. A guy that takes care of his family, retires, then a few years later has to go through this alone? Now that is SCARY! We just went through the home hospice stage after going through the treatment stage and I know first hand how daunting and utterly tragic it is. It took an entire team of family, each one with a specific purpose-traveling to appointments, going through the financials, all while providing 24/7 care. It changed us, all of us, forever. That's when it hit me.

My 88 year old mother lived with us in our back yard for 22 years (33 total while married to Lori). After the pandemic, mom's demeanor changed entirely. This went on for a couple of years until we finally had enough and made arrangements for the next phase of our lives. We were all my mom had. But with careful consideration of her needs, we moved her into a senior facility that she got used to and ended up loving. Until she had seizures. 2 of them and had there not been a help at home person there when it happened, she probably wouldn't still be here. So last Thanksgiving (2024), we came back home and moved her into a skilled nursing facility. I was there. My wife, Lauren and her husband and I did it all. All the while, my mom was being pissy about the entire situation. Her dementia was definitely starting to rear its ugly head. But she knew she had us to depend on. Not my brother, who lives his carefree life just a few hours away. It was me that had to take care of her. So it begs to question: Who would have our backs if & when this happens to Lori or I? Most couples don't die together at the same time, so what if it's just one of us? Could I count on my kids to step up? Do I want them to have that burden? I'm sure they would make arrangements for us, but does that include love & support? Or 24 hour care, if needed?

Millennials are far more introverted than Gen Xer's. They can get overstimulated if something from the outside starts to take over their day to day activities. Imagine then, if a major life change like a serious illness happens, or even death? Suffice it to say that it's a cause for concern. I truly believe that most people find a hidden inner strength, much like the stories of being able to lift a car up off a person to save them. It's a next level that we don't think we have, until we are forced. I hope our kids find the strength. I hope Lori will be taken care of after I'm gone. But neither one of us feel that we can count on anyone or anything outside of ourselves to take on that burden. Hell, these days a text that was misread could result into a middle finger being flipped.

I know this isn't a very Christmasy read and I don't want to seem ungrateful, but taking for granted that we have our lives all figured out is ludicris. I have life insurance. We have a plan and we are both transparent. Maybe that's why Lori continues the thought of "We're dying together and being put in the same casket" seems more like a better choice than hoping and praying someone will have our backs.......to be a burden......

Of the many life changes happening in 2026, one of my goals is to have a living will, with everything carefully crafted out. I urge my friends to at least think about it as well. May you all enjoy this holiday season. Lori hasn't (for the first time in 40 years) put up Christmas decorations. We plan on a small trip to Wilmington, North Carolina, home of our next adventure. Just me, her and an old dog making new memories. Hug your loved ones. Call them. Take over some cookies, whatever makes a family member of friend light up like a Christmas tree.