If we give up, then what?

Today marks 2 months since our move to Wilmington, NC and this months marks 4 years since leaving Illinois. I must admit that we are in the right Carolina this time, but the jury is still out. Each day, I'm reminded that our world has changed, not the subtle, slow change over long periods of time. I'm talkin pretty drastic. I get it.

Sort of.

We're bombarded daily with bad news, sad news, threats, wars, layoffs and snarly people right in our communities. I nearly got into fistacuffs today in a Dollar General parking lot by a 20-something that opened his car door and hit my car. I was inside my car so I immediately go out to inspect the damage. I asked him if he was alright, thinking that may prompt him to apologize and we could go about our day. Nope. His response was "I barely hit it". That did not set well so I told him that's not the best response and that he was a complete piece of shit. Nothing from him. Dead eyes. No regrets. I kept my cool. It hasn't ruined my day. Yet.

Earlier in the day, I walked past a young lady wearing earbuds while walking Pnut. Now I love my new ear buds and had mine in as well. However, I smile, waved and said good morning. Nothing. Dead eyes. Kept looking at the ground. When did we become such a calloused society and lacking of any human interaction? One of my favorite pastimes is smiling and saying hello to strangers. I get nothing anymore. Do I change and adapt or do I keep being me?

Now I'm no longer concerned about meeting new people or finding new friends. That is simply a pipe dream in the late 50's. But my recent trip back home last week reminded me of why my home town will never leave my heart. It was great to see a few friends, the ones I have left. But I felt lost the entire week, sometimes driving around town aimlessly, wondering who I could surprise or what I could do to pass the time. It hit me like a Mack truck. My relevance in Springfield has deteriorated. I'm not on stage anymore, nor am I hosting back porch parties weekly. I have old friends that have attacked me online or in private messages. The few that are left are busy with their lives going through the same shit I do, probably. But Damn!

If we give up on our fellow man and woman, what do we have left? Is everyone so entrenched in their own stuff they don't have time to look up and say hello back? Or does everyone now respond with uncaring, POS responses like "I barely hit it"?

I hope this town doesn't start to aggravate me like South Carolina did. At least this time, there's no house to sell, we travel a lot lighter. Lori thinks maybe our next move may be a 55+ community. At least our age group still has some common decency. Maybe she has a point. I won't give up today. I am still relevant. Like John Candy, I like me. I've changed a lot these past few years, but there's nobody that sees, except a few friends and family members. Family. Now there's folks you can always count on. Till you can't. Fuck. Here. We Go. Again. Spending time with my mother has shown me that the older we get, the smaller our world circle is. She barely has anyone left. Irrelevant. But she's my mom and I still love her but can't help but feel sad. She used to be the life of the party. Now, the party is over.

I'm going to keep waving and smiling and if you don't reciprocate and just stare at the ground, then that's on you. I just will stay happy with my kindred spirit whom I happen to dig a lot.